


Somnus.

by carefulfleshgnawer



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Insomnia, sleeping aids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:14:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carefulfleshgnawer/pseuds/carefulfleshgnawer
Summary: Saburota struggles with one of the basic bodily needs.(Every time I think about his sleeping habits I cry.)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Somnus.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for a writing group bc we had the prompt "sleep" ^w^
> 
> Personally I think that the fact that he sleeps 2 hours a night explains a great deal about why he is the way that he is lol.

So, sleep used to be _a thing_.

He used to sleep all the way through the night, used to take naps during the daytime, even. Sleep was nice, restful. It was kind and merciful and a great way to get away from it all when school and family got overwhelming.

In middle school, Saburota regularly went to sleep at ten in the evening and woke up at six in the morning. Solid eight hours. The exact amount that a growing boy needed, according to the doctors.

In high school, he got a little less - he went to sleep at midnight or past it, depending on how much studying he had to do that evening. It was hard, but it was doable, and a cup of coffee got him through the morning classes.

He started studying exorcism a year later than his peers. It made him stand out in an uncomfortable way, and so, he had to do better than average in classes so as to not be picked on for it. So, quite predictably, his bedtime was moved backwards a bit more, and his wake-up time got a little earlier. Saburota found himself sleeping four, five hours a night.

Coffee became more of a necessity - he took a travel mug with him after finishing one with breakfast. Morning classes felt harder, but - but he was still coping. He was still fine. He would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and he would slumber deeply, dreamlessly.

Well, up until he _didn’t_.

As the qualification exams came closer, Saburota would lie in bed awake more often than not. He kept his eyes closed and _stayed still_ , just in case sleep would come, just in case he’d manage to get some rest.

And sometimes he did - even if the sleep was fragile and fitful, and the dreams were strange and borderline nightmarish. But other times he’d just lay there uselessly. And the days after those nights were decidedly harder to power through.

He tried things, of course - calming teas and herbal remedies at first, to little effect. Then sleeping aids, like melatonin pills. And when he could barely stand it anymore, he went to the doctor’s and got prescribed the heavier ones like _zolpidemum_ , _midazolamum_ , _fenobarbitalum… et cetera, et cetera_...

They worked great, but they had certain _limitations_. He could only use them for so long until he turned dependent, before they stopped working. To avoid this, the doctor had him switching them around every other week and… it worked! For a few years, at least, but worse and worse, in increments. He was getting sleep, but it could hardly be called _sleeping_ at a certain point.

The meds… honestly, they were just masking the symptoms, not treating the _cause_. Saburota didn’t _know_ why he couldn’t sleep. It was like… a switch had been flipped inside him somewhere along the line and he couldn’t find _where_ it was or _why_ it was, let alone _un-flip it_.

At some point after he got his first Meister, as he was working shifts in both Tokyo office and The Deep Keep, he just… gave up. Tossed the pills out in the trash, stopped trying to fall asleep altogether. It was too frustrating, chasing after something so fruitlessly.

Instead, he’d just chug coffee during work hours and crash wherever when his body had had enough - whether at his desk, in the break room or at home. His colleagues let him do it - they thought it was because he was working too hard and even _commended_ him for it.

And to be fair, he _was_ doing his best, not that it was too much, considering how his brain was constantly sleep deprived and fuzzy around the edges and he couldn’t focus long enough to read a paragraph most of the time. Whatever. He didn’t have the energy to _deal with it_.

But then… he ate a demon for the first time. The effect was surprising and incredibly satisfying. Sure, he felt nauseous with the thing going wild in his stomach, trying to get out, but… he had energy! He could focus! He felt better than he had in a long time.

And for the first time since… God, he didn’t even _know since when_ \- he slept in the night, _in his bed_. It was a measly two hours, but that was still so much more than he was used to. And it was good sleep, too. Deep, restful and dreamless. Well, he couldn’t _remember_ any dreams in the morning, anyways.

That first morning, Saburota sat at the breakfast table and felt… awake and rested. _Fresh_. A plate of omelette that looked more inviting than the other mornings was laid out in front of him, and he held a cup of coffee that smelled heavenly in his hand.

Saburota found himself smiling as he brought the drink to his lips. Was this... how people with regular sleep schedules felt?

If so, it was pretty damn _good_.


End file.
